Photo by KC Rae
KC Rae fronts indie pop band Now, Now, but recently she’s staked it out on her own. She just dropped her first-ever solo album, Think I’m Gonna Die, which builds off the palette Now, Now established on Saved: downtempo, bleary-eyed synthpop. It’s a natural fit for her velvety voice, and Think I’m Gonna Die is a phenomenal first release. KC Rae spoke with The Alt to break down each of the nine tracks on her solo album–read that below.
HAPPY
This track is a recollection of entering the portal to Earth. Living here many lifetimes and feeling like I’m ready to move on to the next portal. Existential swirl. Wondering what I’m doing here and if it matters. Trying to find a way to be happy.
BATHROOM FLOOR
Suffering on a bathroom floor on tour. The only escape from not have to camouflage or be anything to anyone, behind that door. Homesick but also not wanting to go home to confront everything that isn’t working.
BIRTHDAY
Recognizing patterns in someone’s behavior. Realizing the cues you should have picked up on. Feeling so small and so nonexistent that you don’t even cast a shadow.
SHAME
This was the track that made me realize I wanted to release my own music. It didn’t feel like anyone else’s, it felt like it was mine. I had never had that feeling before. It sits in that sweet spot for me of a hopeful melancholy. Sonically and lyrically. Things not turning out how you expected them to, but knowing it couldn’t and shouldn’t have gone any other way. And the release as a result of that.
DON’T MAKE ME LAUGH
This was when I realized the theme of the album. “Think I’m gonna die.” For a few years I felt like I was going to die. I couldn’t figure out my place on Earth. I was really angry when I wrote this song despite how depressing the lyrics are.
BLOCKBUSTER
Nostalgia and sensory bliss. Some of the happiest memories of being a kid. The tangent at the end of all all the times I felt a specific breeze while with my cousin makes me really happy.
10 MINUTES
More existential swirl. The application has changed since I wrote it. But I am constantly worried about how the person I love will find out if something horrible happens to me.
HYMN
A recollection of past lives on Earth. Feeling the weight of them still. A hymn to outsiders. Ancient. Traditional Japanese koto music inspired to connect to my lineage and guardian angels.
PARKING LOT
This references the entire cycle. Being held captive by someone else’s rage. Surrendering your power. And taking it back. Going back to where I started, to find myself again.
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Zac Djamoos | @gr8whitebison
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