Gus Rios (Cold Slither): The Toys That Saved Me

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Optimus Prime said “freedom is the right of all sentient beings.” First Sergeant Conrad “Duke” Hauser taught us that “knowing is half the battle.” Luke Skywalker gave everyone “a new hope.”

The ’80s gifted the world amazing characters. I would argue that they were more role models than simply fictional heroes. To likely (and unfortunately), thousands of children around the world, myself included, we NEEDED these role models to show us not only right from wrong, but also to survive and hope.

In 1985 I was eight years old and living in world of chaos, violence, and constant fear. Prolonged exposure to this environment created what is called complex PTSD. And before you pass judgement, trauma doesn’t care and can be different for everyone. A combat veteran can experience similar symptoms as a child abuse survivor, as sexual abuse survivor, and pretty much anyone who lived through something they couldn’t process in the moment. Then the body chooses to store it as trauma in the nervous system. It doesn’t care about what society considers “should” be traumatic. I make this point because it exposes the fact that trauma comes in many forms and therefore is experienced by many who don’t even know it’s there.

Through years of therapy as an adult following a suicide attempt I learned about my childhood trauma. There is no need to get into the details but revelation after revelation, regression after regression one thing became clear to me as an adult…I was a resilient little kid. As a child I lived in a constant state of fear with no hope of escaping. I began engaging in what is called dissociation. It is a form of escaping your otherwise inescapable reality, it is a coping mechanism. For me that was cartoons, movies and toys. I made deep connections with the characters and looked at them as my friends, my mentors and in particular with Optimus Prime, the father I wished that I had. The Joe team were my friends. They taught me to be a proud American, to be honest, brave and to fight injustice. Collecting the toys and being able to utilize my imagination let me escape my harsh reality and become part of the team. I could go outside and go on adventures fighting Cobra or the Decepticons. I could detach from the fear, even if only for moments everyday. The cartoons I watched religiously, never missing an episode. I would become deeply involved in the stories. I remember the excitement of discovering dinosaurs through the Dinobots, the thrill of history and science with Cobra looking for a new emperor…and learning was DNA was! I could go on and on about 80s cartoons, but I think I’ve made my point.

Rios with Peter Cullen, the voice of Optimus Prime

I remember riding the Transformers ride at Universal Studios as an adult, years prior to my awareness of any trauma inside of me. I loved the live action movies, mostly because of Optimus Prime, and was excited to go on the ride. Something strange happened at the end of the ride when a life size Optimus bends down to thank the riders for their help and bravery against the Decepticons… I started crying. I had no idea where it came from and didn’t give it much thought afterwards. I realize now that the very scared and wounded child within me saw his “dad.” To this day simply hearing Peter Cullen’s voice triggers deep emotions as I now fully understand the impact he’s had on my life. Through therapy I have come to the realization that these cartoons and toys were so much more than plastic and animation… they were my real life heroes who gave a very hopeless child the will to survive because he no longer felt so alone. When an act of violence erupted in my home, I knew I could turn to my “friends” for guidance and courage. I could tune into the latest episode or simply go outside and play with my plastic friends. Watching the cartoons I felt like these characters were “real” and I ”knew” them all. Gung-Ho, Flint, Ironhide, etc. They were all individuals with individual personalities. To adults who didn’t NEED this kind of thing in their childhoods this must all sound pretty ludicrous, but I assure you to me its very real. Today I have a deep and sincere reverence and love for these characters. They helped a scared little boy have hope and courage, and today that little boy is a happily married man with a super sick toy collection! Thank you, G.I. Joe, Transformers, Masters of the Universe and Star Wars. To me will always be so much more than just ’80s IPs, you were my heroes and will forever be in your debt. And now you know…